Entry #25: Oneirophobia (Sleep is For the Weak)

This upcoming Friday Bridge and Tunnel will be unveiled to supporters of the film at Cinema Village in New York City. Two days later the film will screen on Long Island at Bellmore Movies, not far from where a bulk of the picture was shot.

The concept of these screenings is terrifying.

I’m not scared of how people will feel about the film; it is what it is. I can’t go back and change its limitations, and I’m really proud of what my team and I accomplished. It’s a really personal project, but it also means a great deal to many different people, and in that regard I know this movie is the paramount achievement of my 27 years of life. Not everyone will like it, but if mass appeasement concerned me I probably would have taken on a different art form – perhaps something along the lines of juggling or beat boxing. Not as lucrative long term, but definitely something that could bring a wealth of joy to diverse audiences.

Am I alarmed that the making of Bridge and Tunnel is over? It’s been my passion since late 2010 and it would be entirely feasible to assume I’m just apprehensive about starting the next chapter of my life? That’s scary, right? “The great unknown” as someone who likes to spew hackneyed expressions might say.

But that doesn’t worry me at all. In fact, I feel as though the so called “next chapter of my life” can’t begin soon enough!

So what am I afraid of?!?! Am I just nervous? Anxious to just get it over with?

That can’t be it. I don’t really get nervous except on report card day in middle school and when talking to girls I’ve just met, but even then it’s in a very limited manner. I’m a relatively composed person in high pressure situations.

What frightens me about these screenings is that I’m seeing my determination, hard work, and resolve come to fruition. As odd as it may sound, that’s kind of eerie. This is what I’ve wanted to do my entire life and at least for now I’m actually doing it. I’m doing exactly what I always told myself I’d be doing. I’m making actual movies that people are going to watch, and think about, and maybe even tell other people about.

And yeah I’ve certainly pushed myself in ways that some might define as “detrimental to my health” in order to get this project made, but now in a few days a seed in my brain becomes something real; Something that people are going to actually experience as a community inside of a theater, late at night, in the city that defines the era of humanity in which we live. That concept alone is so worth every second of fatigue, every instance of agony, and every drop of dejection that comes with taking on an endeavor like this.

When the movie begins on Friday night there’s nothing left for me to do but accept that I put it out there. I can’t turn back, I can’t turn the movie off, I won’t make excuses. I made another movie, one that’s essential to me. For 90 minutes, a few hundred people are going to bear witness as the past three years of my life come to fruition in front of their eyes.

I’m scared this might not be real.

Jason Michael Brescia

December 9, 2013 1:18 A.M EST

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About jasonmichaelbrescia

Filmmaker. Writer, director. Comedy.
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